A new year, for me, always brings the excitement of new possibilities.

Of turning dreams into goals , and discovering new things.

One more year’s worth of experience  to draw on.

One more year of getting to know myself, of figuring out who I am (and boy did that happen in 2010).

Looking back, I can’t believe how incredibly naive my thinking was just one year ago. I didn’t stand up for myself, I let people walk all over me, and I honestly took way too much shit from people. If I had one word to describe this year, it would be challenging. In many ways, this was one of the best years of my life – I got married, travelled to Hawaii, Sydney and New Zealand, started an entirely new career, made lots of lovely little road trips, reconnected with my lifelong best friend L, and madly wrote my novel in the bit of spare time that I could muster. In other ways, it was also one of the worst – I have never been more stressed, emotional, crazy or sad than I was this year. There was one particular situation that weighed me down all of the time, something that shouldn’t have upset me as much as it did. I struggled so hard. I finally feel like I’m in a place of peace and acceptance regarding that unpleasant episode – but it took a lot out of me.

I looked back at the goals I set for myself at the beginning of 2010, and nothing really stood out. I think that, given how busy and challenging 2010 was, its no wonder I came up short on most of these.

• get married in Hawaii – I did this! And it couldn’t have been better.
• Finish my second novel – I didn’t do this. To be honest 2010 was pretty lean on the writing side – with wedding prep, then wedding and holiday, then starting a new job (an entirely new career, really) 2 weeks after we got back, left little time for me to feel creative. I did get a big chunk of it finished, and I’m so proud of how the overall story is shaping up. 2011 is going to be a year of reckoning – watch out, publishers! A manuscript from yours truly will be landing on your desk verrrrrrrry soon.
• Get a publishing deal – as above
• Start a third novel – I have plans for this, and I have kind of been working on other books that belong to this series as inspiration strikes. So I guess you could technically say that I started 5 novels this year
• Write every single day, even if its only a paragraph – I didn’t keep track of this, but between blogging, writing fiction and journalling I’m pretty confident this happened most days.
• Exercise three times a week – sometimes yes, sometimes no. I did step up my exercise regime in 2010 but it wasn’t consistent.

2010 in review

January

I turned 25 years old and celebrated at a funky Mexican restaurant with some close friends. That day, they found out they were having a little boy, and I was one of the first to find out. What a special bit of news! The next night, I had another celebration with family – and my best friend. I was so happy she was there, after a rough year we finally reconnected and it made my birthday so special.  A few weeks later, we had our engagement party at Jed’s parents house.

February

I kind of forgot about the world around me as I did last-minute prep and plans for our wedding. I have no idea what I did this month apart from work, sleep, pack and freak out. Oh, thats right, we also ripped out all the old crappy paving and dead grass from the backyard and completely transformed it into a limestone paved oasis.

Before (when the grass was still alive):

After: You can see Marley and Lulu were pretty impressed with our handiwork

March

After more than seven years together, we made it official on the 16th and tied the knot in our favourite place on this earth – Maui.

April

At the start of the month, we left Hawaii and travelled to Sydney to spend a few days with my cousin, Rach, and her husband. They showed us lots of awesome little places to eat and drink that we never would have found on our own! We then flew to New Zealand to spend a week with Jed’s family at their gorgeous holiday house.

I watched my beloved fall through the sky!

While we were there, we lusted over this 46-acre piece of property in NZ and then realized it was just a leeetle bit out of our price range

May

Mid-month, I left my comfort zone and started work in a completely new industry. It was crazy. And at the end of the month, a couple of weeks early, our friends welcomed this little guy into the world.

June

I despaired over the winter weather that always turns me into a nasty piece of work.

We celebrated Jed turning 27, taking a roadtrip to Dunsborough. We had a yummy lunch at one of our favourite wineries, Laurance.

This was a tasty breakfast.

July

After all the excitement and stress of the first half of the year, I had a bit of a breakdown. Here I was, weeks into a brand new job, sobbing on the phone to my (incredibly supportive) boss, because I just could NOT function. I left work early one day and just cried and cried. At the time, it seemed like my world was being turned upside down and that I had made a massive mistake in switching jobs. And after a little while, and some great support, it became pretty obvious that I was just exhausted. I took some time off to regroup and just do nothing. And came through it OK.

August

I purchased my beloved Canon 400D digital SLR! One of the best purchases of the year, and she was a steal. I’m yet to name her, but I’ll let you know when I think of something that suits her.

I must have been in the mood to drop some serious cash this month, because I also surprised Jed with tickets to Europe for June this year! We’re going for his birthday.

September

We took a little road trip to see our friends get married in Busselton. It was one of the nicest weddings I’ve been to.

October

Towards the end of this month, I started questioning everything for the millionth time. I wasn’t happy, I was crying all the time, my hormones were insane, and I just didn’t know what was the matter. I thought it must be my new job – with the work-at-home schedule and Jed working away, I was by myself for far too many hours each week. And it was a disquieting feeling that crept up on me over the course of a few months – cue another meltdown. I guess another word to describe 2010 would be emotional

But the truth was, once I got really honest, I just wasn’t taking care of myself. Marriage, my diet, my physical health, my spirit. It’s something that needs to be a huge priority in 2011 – I want to avoid feeling depressed, anxious or lethargic and make the conscious decision to invest enough time and energy into being kind to myself.

I tried hot (bikram) yoga and loved it. It goes for 90 minutes each session, so I still haven’t decided whether I want to try and incorporate it into my weekly life as yet.

November

I launched my sparkly new blog design, thanks to Kyla Roma! And started really throwing myself into nightly writing sessions,

burning the midnight oil and getting that first novel draft out of my head and onto the screen.

December

I shopped madly for presents 5 days before christmas, and instead of beating mysef up for being disorganised like I normally would, I revelled in the fact that my method works just as well, and really got me into the christmas vibe! I still hand-made gifts – chocolate truffles this year – and chose thoughtful gifts for everyone on my list. Self acceptance in the making, here.

After Christmas, Jed and I had a long talk (one of those talks) and made a huge, life-changing decision – one that I’ll be sharing here very soon.

Whew, that was long. Are you still with me, lovelies? I’m not finished yet! So, like I said, there were a lot of wonderful, beautiful things that happened in my 2010.

I’m so thankful that it was like that.

In 2011, I am determined that the theme will be less challenging and more enjoyable. My word for 2011 is

Focus

I want to do so many things this year, and I really believe its going to be a year that makes a huge difference in how the rest of my life will unfold. Instead of letting the current pull me along, I want to choose which way I’m going to row.

2011 – six goals

• Simplify life – by buying less, giving away more, and focusing less on material possessions. The clutter in life can be overwhelming, and I’ve really changed from a person who likes ‘stuff’ to a person who feels suffocated by possessions. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to go totally minimalist (I love my things) but there is a lot of crap in my house and my life that just doesn’t belong.
• Overhaul our diets – I have been doing soooo much research on this one, and have been slowly adding more organic, unprocessed and nutritious foods into our diet. This month (this week, actually!) I’ll be making the last changes to make it all come together. Also, the way I want to spend my time cooking – and what food I’m cooking – is going to change. I’m inspired by Aura’s food week post here and really want to try and cut my cooking sessions down to three times a week as well. We were given Jamie Oliver’s 30 minute meals cook book for christmas, and it has already changed my life in its awesomeness. Try the cypriot chicken – we have. Three times this week.
• Overhaul our lifestyle – by spending more time together as a couple, talking more, and having more fun together. By taking more camping trips. By buying less and being more self-sufficient.
• Overhaul my exercise routine – more specifically, create a routine that I can stick to.
• Be more organised my way – meal plans? Yes. Buying christmas presents three months early? Nooo. Spring clean? Yes. Declutter? Yes.
• Finish my novel – its almost there! I’ve extended the date to 28th February, because honestly, this month is busy! I’m sooooo close…
• Maximise my weekends – there really IS enough time to do most things, but I definitely don’t always maximise my time.

Five days in to this glorious year, and three hundred and sixty still glittering with possibilities…

I have lots of goals. I’m a list-writer, I love making huge elaborate plans and deadlines for things. A lot of the time, I don’t make it to the deadline, life gets in the way, blah blah blah. But in addressing my latest goals for the summer, I have been thinking back to two times when I did give my all and I did pass the finish line. I’m probably repeating myself a little bit but here goes:

When I was 21, I decided to go to America and work at a summer camp with my friend Rach. As a lifeguard and swimming teacher. And I couldn’t swim more than about ten metres of frontcrawl/freestyle to save my life. And I had three months or so to get fit and be able to swim 400m nonstop, and demonstrate that I could teach kiddies the basics of swimming.

• I swam almost every day
• I knew exactly what I was working towards – my bronze medallion and lifeguard exams – and I practiced specifically for that. Each time I swam, I recreated the test until I could do it in under twelve minutes.
• I had someone to hold me accountable.
• I had a do-or-die deadline
• I had something really amazing to look forward to if I passed my exams.

And I did it! I went from being the girl who had never done anything very athletic to being a daily swimmer. I lost weight, toned up, my skin was clear, my eyes sparkled and I had heaps of energy. That was probably the fittest I’ve ever been, and sadly things have gotten pretty sedentary since I arrived home 5 months later.

When I was 24, I decided I needed to finish my first novel. I had been trying for years, getting nowhere, having a bunch of pages and a loose outline to show. I got so frustrated that I developed a deadline (I finished it just in time to mail in for the Vogel award) and I wrote my little heart out. I woke up and I wrote. I wrote in my lunch hour at work. I came home, got changed into my jeans, and wrote until bed time. I didn’t cook or clean very much. But I finished a novel in about 8 weeks while still working full-time.

• I had a support system (thanks to the lovely Jed cooking and taking care of things)
• I had a deadline that was set in stone – the deadline for submissions to a publishing award. I wanted it – badly. I didn’t win, but the 25K prize and publishing deal was pretty motivating.
• I had the end in sight. I knew exactly what I wanted/needed to write. I had everything mapped out.
• I enjoyed what I was doing, despite the long hours.
• I knew I was achieving something great.

Which brings me to my next goals. They’re pretty lofty, but they’re not impossible.

In the next eight weeks, I want to:

• exercise every single day
• Finish my second novel, “Wombstone”
• eat clean, healthy and (mostly) organic food during the next eight weeks.

Holy shit, thats pretty radical. And to do it all at once? Probably insanity.

Want to see the pretty goal sheets I made? OK, here you go:

And finally, the why’s of what I’m setting out to do:

• I have a wedding coming up in 8 weeks that is centred around swimming and lounging on a boat all day. And I really want to feel happy in my skin, not insecure.
• I have six novels to write in this series I’m currently working on, and I’d like to have some kids after I finish the first few novels, BUT before I’m thirty. Doing the math, that means I gotta get into gear and finish the first novel.
• I have 2 weeks off at christmas, which would be the perfect time to get some solid writing done.
• It’s coming into summer, and I’m sick of eating heavy foods and feeling tired.
• I have to haul heavy wine cartons all the time (because of my job, not because I’m an alco) and I want to feel strong!
• I’ve been in a huge rut mood-wise all winter, and I know the way to feel better is through getting some exercise in each day. I want to make this a lifelong habit.
• I’m ready for the next chapter of life. Bring it on!

A pretty hydrangea from my garden

I’m interrupting my Hawaii posts to talk about something dear to my heart: My novel.

I’ve been writing since I knew how to hold a pen in my hand. When I was nine, I wrote a three paragraph story (that was, of course, blatantly ripped off an R.L. Stine book we were studying at school) that the principal decided was good enough to stick up in the library for the whole school to read. I was ecstatic. Someone liked my writing. I had made it big, people

& since I was about thirteen, I’ve been scribbling away, trying to find the story that will capture the hearts of readers, that will make people cry (because I’m mean like that), that will make people think, that will make people smile. I’ve got plenty of shockers among the few promising pieces. I’ve got one finished novel that I tentatively submitted to a couple of publishers before deciding it wasn’t The Book I wanted as my first published work. (side note: I’m half thinking I’ll just pop it on this blog for people to read if they fancy).

But I struggle, all the time. I still can’t quite believe that I finished the first novel, because I am not a finisher of anything. I leave food on my plate and tea in my cup, and the nickname afectionately bestowed on me by my husband is half-a-job Harry, because I will start something with the best of intentions, and then give up halfway. Sometimes, its because I get distracted by something shiny! and sparkly! and sometimes I just get bored, run out of steam, or stop cleaning the house and start surfing facebook.

I want so badly to finish my next novel. I’m 20,000 words in on a book that will probably run to eighty thousand words or so. I tried nanowrimo this year (it’s still going, by the way) and my stats are pretty poor. As in, I need to catch the hell up to make 50,000 words by the end of November. Which is a pretty redundant number, because I’ve actually for more like sixty thousand words left to write to get this thing done.

I’ve got a 2 week vacay over christmas to chill at home and eat too much turkey, so I’ve decided that instead of just eating leftovers and swimming in my sparkling pool on 40 degree days (that’s 104 fahrenheit for you Americans!), I’m going to devote some serious time to FINISHING this novel.

I feel like I have to talk about my perfectionist tendencies here, so gather round. When I was writing the first novel, I didn’t really give a shit whether the house was clean or whether anyone was fed or even whether there were simple utensils like clean towels, cups and forks to help us through daily life. I was still in that “My house doesn’t control me” “we are equals in this house” stage that happens when you move into your first house. Now, sadly, I’m in “control freak stage” where I cannot start my day until the dishes are done and the kitchen is sparkling, and where the sight of dog hair on my couch makes me want to cry. I can’t even sit down to write unless I’ve wiped down my dusty desk and rearranged all of the shit that’s accumulated in heaps around it. We’re messy people, y’all.

And as a result, writing – chasing that dream – gets stuffed back in the “should” list while I cook and clean and watch TV and pay bills and water the lawn and make lunches and check facebook and do the dishes again and water all the plants and read the newspaper and take care of everyone and try to go to the gym and play with my new camera and clean the pool and hang the washing out and put the other washing away and sweep and dust and work a full-time job, and oh yeah, sleep.

I want this done, in the bag, finished. Because I believe in what I’m writing and I believe that people will like it. And because I have about eleventy billion other stories / novels / screenplays I want to write after I nail this one.

I’m posting a deadline, dear readers. I know, I’ve done it before. But this time, things feel…different. More urgent. I don’t just want to finish, I need to finish. I want to have a couple of kids one day (no time soon, mind you), and I know without a shred of doubt that if I don’t finish this novel and try to get it published before a baby comes along, I never will. Because that’s just the kind of person I am. I find it hard enough to focus on writing without having an infant dependant on me, and I don’t want to start motherhood wishing I had just worked harder on my writing.

If I’ve learned anything about achieving goals that I set myself, it’s that I need to be held accountable during the process. Last time I finished my novel, I would come home from work every day, brew some tea, and write my little heart out while Jed took care of the dinner and the kiddos (the fur kids). The house was filthy, and there were lots of times when we had to wash a fork / cup / towel to be able to use something clean. And now I can hardly remember the mess, but I CAN remember that I finished something important.

Maybe I’ll try the same tactic as last time. I might find some improvements, too. Got any ideas? Please, let me know…

We all have dreams.

Sometimes, they pan out. We go to college and study amazing things like film and creative writing. We travel the world and see places that we’ve dreamed about our whole lives. We buy a house and fill it with reminders of our dreams, and then proceed to list a hundred reasons why we can’t go after these dreams. Not sure what I mean? Here’s some classic examples:

1. “I can’t afford it”. Why can’t you afford to be happy and spend all day working on things you are passionate about? Is it because that shiny car in the driveway is chewing up your disposable income? Is it because society told you that working in a shitty beige cubicle is the thing to do, because everyone does it? Is it because you’ve maxed out your credit cards spending money on things like food, alcohol, entertainment and throw-away items to distract yourself from the growing resentment you are feeling towards your life?
2. “I’m not good enough”. This one is especially popular for the female population. We can all be guilty of focusing on our shortfalls instead of highlighting our strengths. We are fantastic at talking ourselves out of our dreams. Its scary to stop being a cubicle zombie to pursue something that we really care about, because what if we fail? Or even worse, what if we ditch everything to follow this dream and then decide we don’t want it any more?
3. “I don’t have time”. Yes, you do. I do, we all do. Think about this: Unless someone discovers the secret to immortality, nobody reading this is going to see the next century. We’ll be gone. Our time to live is so short. What do you want to do with that short amount of time? Do you want to be Cubicle Zombie who drinks and eats too much, lazes around and watches re-runs of The Simpsons instead of chasing your dreams?
4. “I don’t know where to start”. This is a legitimate concern, and it is OK to feel this way, as long as you come up with a way of solving this problem before you’re in the nursing home. Dreams can be overwhelming, because they are more than just a statement of “I want to do this”. Dreams are felt as much as thought, and they can be all over the place. The trick is to start, because starting is the hardest part. Baby steps make the journey easier – take a course, draw a mind-map, read a book, write a business plan. Do something. Do anything.
5. “It’s all too hard”. Well, it is if you say so. If you really want to achieve your dreams, stop saying this! Reality is just perception. Overcome this belief and anything is possible.

All too often I speak to people who are letting fear stop them from making the leap to achieving their dreams. Like a friend who is all set up to be a photographer. She has the equipment, the skills and the savvy, but doesnt have the confidence to break out of her 9-5 and pursue her passion full-time. She’s effectively talked herself out of it by thinking of all the reasons her plan won’t work, instead of focusing on all the fabulous reasons it will succeed.

I’m another classic example. When I think of all the distractions I create to avoid thinking about my dreams, it makes me mad. TV. Social outings that I don’t really care to attend. Food. Alcohol. Hours surfing the net aimessly. Did I mention TV? I mean, those Winchester boys are delicious, but I have got to turn Supernatural off and get to work on what really matters – my life. Not some made up show that serves as a distraction from my current work situation.And that means focusing on the things that matter – my writing, my business, my relationship.

So, dear readers, this post is just as much for me as it is for you. Today, I’m committing to a new strategy. No TV. No alcohol. Saying no to social gatherings that I’d just as soon miss. The internets – I love you, but we need some time apart. It’s time to stop talking and start doing.

What about you?

Hollywood Sign by Horrortaxi

Ever had one of these moments? I have. Many times, actually. It’s usually after I’ve had a massive shake-up in my life or experienced something pretty powerful.

I’ve had really scary ones and really joyful ones.

One of my biggest life-changing moments was the day I visited Hollywood. I know, not the most beautiful place on earth. But as I was wandering around, doing all the normal tourist things, I looked up from the pavement where I’d been trying to fit my palms into Judy Garland’s impressions, and I just felt so wonderful.

Mann’s Chinese theatre and the Kodak theatre were right in front of me. The Hollywood sign I would glimpse a moment later. For a small-town girl with dreams of being a big-shot screenwriter, it was the re-awakening of my muse.

So, I went home and wrote a script, sold it and became hugely successful. Right?

Umm… sadly, no. This is yet another example of having a dream and then letting life get in the way.

I got back to Australia, brimming with confidence and stories. I told everyone who would listen my plan: to finish a screenplay, get back to Hollywood, sell it, maybe even direct it, and live happily ever after in the Californian Hills – just not in the part that burns down every summer

A couple of weeks passed. I still had my massive notebook from my trip, the jumbo ones you buy from borders that weighed about five kilos and contained the pieces that would become my script. I started work on transferring it to my computer. I worked on it every day, then a few times a week. Then once a week, then once a month.

Life just got in the way.

I had racked up a massive credit card bill while I was away (6K, more than I’d spent in my lifetime), and owed thousands more to friends and family who were generous enough to lend me cash before, during and after my travels. I got a casual job and slowly started paying off my debts, then went back to university for a little while. Then I did the biggest time-sucking thing I’ve ever done and bought a house with my boyfriend Jed. That meant I had to work full-time to be able to help pay the mortgage. At the time all I saw was the chance for freedom – from parents and renting. I didn’t think about what else it might cost me…

I don’t think it hit me until about six months in – this is it. Without massive action, this is all life’s ever going to be. Get up, work, get home, eat, zone-out in front of the tv, collapse into bed, and repeat. Occasionally (never often enough) clean the house. Try to have a life on a budget. Try to pretend that everything is just great.

Or do something different!

I tend to over-analyse things sometimes. I don’t know if I was trying to take the “safe” route by buying a house instead of working my arse off on my screenplay and then flying to Hollywood to pitch it. For sure, the thought of standing up in front of producers and executives terrifies me. But, as I realised in another classic “life changing moment”, the idea of NOT doing it terrifies me even more.

I made a big, important decision: this is not all my life is going to be.

Now I’m trying to put that into practice. My boyfriend is so unbelievably supportive, he’s agreed to take a job flying to the mines every week so I can work part-time and make my writing dream possible. It’s an awesome feeling knowing that with a little creative thinking and some planning, anything is possible….

Tell me, what are your dreams? And what’s getting in the way?

How can you start to be everything you want to be?